mon havre

I remember the time when I was
applying for a driving license a year ago somewhere in Mandaluyong. Following their formula, applicants are
required to take a staged written examination and undergo a five-second
practical test along an abandoned road, under the sun’s most heated glory
(where bribery with an official receipt usually takes place).

 
Each bona fide applicant shall
taste the hassle of undergoing this standard operating procedure if one avoids
transacting with a fixer and paying huge fees. In short, for those who are broke, or simply who cannot afford to hire a
fixer, it is a looong, difficult, complicated and disappointing experience.

And then came the examination
time. Before actually taking the written
test, you would be offered a reviewer to familiarize yourself with questions
that might be asked in the exam. Seeing the questionnaire inside the test room,
I read one particular question:

“Sa pagmamaneho ng isang behikulo, gaano kalaki
ang tamang distansyang kinakailangan ng
sasakyan mo sa sasakyang sinusundan mo?”

1. haba ng isang sasakyan
2. haba ng 2 sasakyan
3. haba ng 3 sasakyan

Did I get the answer right?

I wasn’t able to see the detailed
result of my exam. I was only told by a young officer (who was hitting on me
all throughout my application) that I did pass the exam and I could then
proceed to the next step.

Contemplating now, and as I
relate to that one particular question, I realized that distance in general, is
indeed important in life.

There are times that we all need a
varying degree of distance from work, family, friends, loved ones, and even
from ourselves.

Work can easily burn us out. We
all dedicate most of our precious time working because yes, we all need
to. We work to chase our dreams, to feed
our families, to get personal satisfaction, to lead others, to make a name, to
be someone… and the list just goes on and on. When we started working, we also started negotiating our time to pay
equal attention to other aspects of our life—like our looks, our health, our family,
friends, our partner and even ourselves. If you’re the kind of employee who
keeps on trying to get a perfect attendance in the office, kissing
your boss’ ass, then you’re missing out a lot in life. 

We all need to take a break from our
desktops once in a while; there are times that we need to distance ourselves
from deadlines and A4s. We need to constantly recharge and breathe to tolerate
another Monday morning. All I’m saying is… it is totally ok to call your office
saying you’re sick, while you bury your hands and feet in the warm beach sand after
you scream out of excitement. Besides, I don’t think there will be a red “Best
in Attendance” ribbon to be given out once you finally decide to quit your
anemic job.

There is no perfect family. That
is one of the lessons I learned later in life. Growing up, I learned that, I do
not need a perfect mother, or a flawless sister, or an intelligent brother to
have a happy home. We all simply need a
family to come home to… just a family where you feel safe and comfortable whatever
the season is. 

In life, family is our comfort
zone. Family can be a baby walker for most of us… They give us roots, they
give us an origin. They serve as a convoy in tracing our own set of values for
the journey ahead.  But whether we like
it or not, we will eventually need to walk without the baby walker. That’s all part of growing up. It’s the time when we must leave the nest, to
fly, learn and discover. And as we distance ourselves from home, we learn to be
independent, to conquer fear, to be on our own, to get to know ourselves a
little better, and to fully experience both the ecstasy and melancholy of life.

FACT: You won’t have any idea how
big your family is until you won the lottery.

We started to practice keeping relationships
during childhood. I remember having a bunch of playmates in the neighborhood
then. We were usually out on the field, trying
out games like moro-moro and tumbang-preso; sometimes just recounting our own
versions of impressive tales and bragging about new trifles that we had. When I was small, I was frequently out
playing rain water and mud with other kids during rainy days. I used to join the children on the hill to fly
the kite that my tatay made for me when the wind was right. Oh I remember the
days when I placed bets trying to win dangkal, taching and teks. My world used to revolve around competitions
in trumpo, goma and jolen. I even remember crying when my two cherished pigeons
on the roof didn’t come back after I set them free, believing that they would
return if they stayed long enough with me. I also joined bantam war games that sometimes resulted to turning
friends into enemies. Spending time with
friends and being out there taught me so much about friendship. I learned how to share myself, to trust, to
have fun, to make mistakes, to forgive and to choose my friends wisely. I learned that friends can also hurt, abuse
you, and leave. These are the “friends”
whom I learned to distance myself from. I
learned to stay away from “friends” who wouldn’t care less about my own feelings
and well-being. As time goes by, I
learned to recognize their faces and save myself from needless hurt.
And then there are few good ones who make
mistakes occasionally, annoy you every once in a while and choose to never leave, not because they have no
opportunity to escape, but simply because they do not want to leave.

In love affairs, distance can be
something that may keep us together or break us apart.  Distance could either be physical
or emotional. This is a bit tricky because
one you lose balance, everything falls apart.  It’s like riding a skate board where you work
on your stance, know how to push off, turn and stop. A healthy dose of distance
from the one you love is a major groundwork.  Too close is too risky because once you
invaded the other person’s private sphere; you automatically become an
intruder, an intimate thief; a nuisance of his/her claimed harmony. Being too far from the one you love also
signals crisis because a special way of connection is usually  broken
after some time. « Loin des yeux, loin
de cœur »,  as they say.

If skate boarding doesn’t work
for you, try biking or ice skating. Either way, if you truly love each other, you won’t stop ‘till you both
find the right stunt to capture and keep burning the amorous yin
and yang.

Distance indeed can be a factor
or just a variable, or the actual formula in life.
So the next time you are able to
read the sticker on the car ahead next to you, better watch out, because you’re
getting too close…
Oo nga naman… “Keep Distance”.